Reconciliation

rec·on·cil·i·a·tion
noun /ˌrekənˌsilēˈāSHən/

The restoration of friendly relations

It’s really hard “un-liking” someone or getting to a place where you don’t think about that person on a daily basis. “De-crushing” is different for everyone, but the general process usually entails:


1. deleting all of their contact info. and severing all means of communication (Phone, texts, unfriending on FB)
2. avoiding said person and things that remind you exclusively of them (songs, movies, places, etc.)
3. Cease talking about him/her to your friends.
4. Allowing yourself to stop thinking about them and analyzing the moment you met and every moment shared after.


Things that are pretty hard to do in a college setting, where everyone is like fish in a sardine can. You can complete all of these steps but merely seeing this person can dissolve the armor of false courage and independence you've built. A fragile cover built of thin glass. Neither word nor sound from him is necessary to puncture this barrier. Merely a smile can be your undoing. By his presence alone the calm begins to unravel. The flimsy veil of composure, no longer conceals the emotions you try to hide and you're vulnerable. Naked. You reveal your true self, the person he first met. The one uncolored by painful memory. The vulnerable girl that trustingly opened her arms to everyone and never skimped on giving people the benefit of the doubt.

You're now that passive aggressive girl. The one that tattoos a smile on your face to distract from the unrest you feel inside. Post-break up or more accurately post moving apart, you're reminded solely of the smoothness of his skin, the wonder in his eyes, his infectious humor among other magnetic qualities that first drew you in. Meanwhile, shoving the unease and misunderstandings that punctuated your time together into the dark recesses of your mind. Consequently, hindsight has rose colored lenses and often one pretends the past was a fairytale. This is why Its hard to get over a guy but it's essential to realize that exercising selective memory will blindly lead you to the same shallow hole. You'll fall for the wrong one, and it’ll hurt. Again. 

In order to reconcile this past, it’s imperative that you break the spell this person has on you. De-crushing or dwelling on why it didn't work out....doesn't always work! The only way to move on is to find someone more compatible with you. That is the only way you don’t replay the same confusion with him or with any future potential love interest.

“One needs to be in complete control to truly benefit from letting go.”